"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."
-L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Four weeks. I have been on this foreign island, thousands of miles away from home, for four weeks. It is strange how familiar yet how alien I feel in this land. I recognize many buildings, have a routine for getting around to school and church, and spend many nights out enjoying the city. I know many of the people around me and I have began to build relationships with people at my home and at school. I have attended the same church five times and it is starting to feel familiar. Yet at the same time I feel so utterly estranged from this country. This is not my home. These people are not my family. I am merely a pilgrim here.
I have been here long enough that the initial glory has worn out just a bit and the excitement has begun to fade. Don't get me wrong, the excitement is definitely still there and I am so grateful to be in Australia, but I am entering into the phase of homesickness that I have been expecting and preparing for since before I even left.
I miss my parents. I miss my kitchen. I miss driving down familiar roads. I miss Providence Church. I miss eating dinners in the screened-in porch and playing games or talking with my family for hours afterwards. I miss the warmth and humidity of Pennsylvanian air. I even my university. I miss walking down the halls of my dorm. I miss being able to walk to the library to research and study. I miss chapels. I miss home.
The purpose of this journal entry is not to complaining about the things I miss. It is not even close to that. This entry is my way of processing what "home" means and what "family" is in my heart. I have realized that no matter where I am, no matter how far I travel, no matter what job I am working or what social events I am attending, the most crucial things to have is family, for family is home. I can't imagine moving to a new country, or even a new state, and setting up life long term without a sense of family around me. I could go anywhere and do anything so long as I have a family I can call my own. In Pennsylvania I have my real family around me. At school I have sisters that have been with me through the many twists and turns of life. At camp I had the closest thing to a heavenly family that I have ever experienced. And in the future I will have a new family that will go with me wherever I go.
In Australia I am family-less. That is why I feel so alien here. I don't have people that I can call sister or brother, mother or father. There are so many strangers surrounding me all the time and when I spend time with the people I have met and befriended, I am overwhelmed with the tension of "knowing" them yet feeling so distant because of the many cultural differences that lie between us.
I am home-less here.
Then I remember that I do have a constant home that I can take with me everywhere I go. I have a friend who never leaves. A father who is always listening. A mother who constantly cares and watches over me. A master who leads me every step of the way. A savior who has not stopped showing me love since the moment I was formed. I have my God, who is all these things and more.
I am so grateful for the way the Lord is speaking to me in the land down under. He has chosen to whisper softly. He patiently waits for me to feel his gentle tug and he is understanding when I have to ask for him to repeat what he has said. He is even quick to forgive me when I take a little too long to respond to his call. He's so gracious. He's so giving. He's so comforting. And he is my home.
I desperately long for a more material taste of home. I yearn for a family I can see and touch. I miss the presence of my earthly mother and father. But I am not completely without a home. God has been kind to me to put me through all these experiences. He knows what he is doing when he allows my heart to hurt and my spirits to be down. He knows how good it is for me to be taken away from the comforts of all that I know and be placed in such a strange and foreign land that is full of lessons that I need to learn. He has taught me so much about the importance of family and the value of home. He has cleared my vision and reminded me that I don't have to keep running all over the world to find what I am looking for. I can still run and explore, but every time I go out looking I will always come back to my center and see that home is in my soul and that my surroundings don't matter as long as I hold dearly in my heart a sense of family.
So for now I pray and patiently wait to see what family will be for me in the future. I will always run. I will always explore. But now I know that I can only do this happily if I seek out family wherever I go. Hopefully the Lord will bless me with a constant family--a husband and children--who will go on this journey of life with me. But if he doesn't, it's okay. For He is and always will be my only true home.
I have been here long enough that the initial glory has worn out just a bit and the excitement has begun to fade. Don't get me wrong, the excitement is definitely still there and I am so grateful to be in Australia, but I am entering into the phase of homesickness that I have been expecting and preparing for since before I even left.
I miss my parents. I miss my kitchen. I miss driving down familiar roads. I miss Providence Church. I miss eating dinners in the screened-in porch and playing games or talking with my family for hours afterwards. I miss the warmth and humidity of Pennsylvanian air. I even my university. I miss walking down the halls of my dorm. I miss being able to walk to the library to research and study. I miss chapels. I miss home.
The purpose of this journal entry is not to complaining about the things I miss. It is not even close to that. This entry is my way of processing what "home" means and what "family" is in my heart. I have realized that no matter where I am, no matter how far I travel, no matter what job I am working or what social events I am attending, the most crucial things to have is family, for family is home. I can't imagine moving to a new country, or even a new state, and setting up life long term without a sense of family around me. I could go anywhere and do anything so long as I have a family I can call my own. In Pennsylvania I have my real family around me. At school I have sisters that have been with me through the many twists and turns of life. At camp I had the closest thing to a heavenly family that I have ever experienced. And in the future I will have a new family that will go with me wherever I go.
In Australia I am family-less. That is why I feel so alien here. I don't have people that I can call sister or brother, mother or father. There are so many strangers surrounding me all the time and when I spend time with the people I have met and befriended, I am overwhelmed with the tension of "knowing" them yet feeling so distant because of the many cultural differences that lie between us.
I am home-less here.
Then I remember that I do have a constant home that I can take with me everywhere I go. I have a friend who never leaves. A father who is always listening. A mother who constantly cares and watches over me. A master who leads me every step of the way. A savior who has not stopped showing me love since the moment I was formed. I have my God, who is all these things and more.
I am so grateful for the way the Lord is speaking to me in the land down under. He has chosen to whisper softly. He patiently waits for me to feel his gentle tug and he is understanding when I have to ask for him to repeat what he has said. He is even quick to forgive me when I take a little too long to respond to his call. He's so gracious. He's so giving. He's so comforting. And he is my home.
I desperately long for a more material taste of home. I yearn for a family I can see and touch. I miss the presence of my earthly mother and father. But I am not completely without a home. God has been kind to me to put me through all these experiences. He knows what he is doing when he allows my heart to hurt and my spirits to be down. He knows how good it is for me to be taken away from the comforts of all that I know and be placed in such a strange and foreign land that is full of lessons that I need to learn. He has taught me so much about the importance of family and the value of home. He has cleared my vision and reminded me that I don't have to keep running all over the world to find what I am looking for. I can still run and explore, but every time I go out looking I will always come back to my center and see that home is in my soul and that my surroundings don't matter as long as I hold dearly in my heart a sense of family.
So for now I pray and patiently wait to see what family will be for me in the future. I will always run. I will always explore. But now I know that I can only do this happily if I seek out family wherever I go. Hopefully the Lord will bless me with a constant family--a husband and children--who will go on this journey of life with me. But if he doesn't, it's okay. For He is and always will be my only true home.
Be relaxed with what you have.
Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,
"God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?"
-Hebrews 13:5-6 tmsg
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