Four weeks. I have been on this foreign island, thousands of miles away from home, for four weeks. It is strange how familiar yet how alien I feel in this land. I recognize many buildings, have a routine for getting around to school and church, and spend many nights out enjoying the city. I know many of the people around me and I have began to build relationships with people at my home and at school. I have attended the same church five times and it is starting to feel familiar. Yet at the same time I feel so utterly estranged from this country. This is not my home. These people are not my family. I am merely a pilgrim here.

I have been here long enough that the initial glory has worn out just a bit and the excitement has begun to fade. Don't get me wrong, the excitement is definitely still there and I am so grateful to be in Australia, but I am entering into the phase of homesickness that I have been expecting and preparing for since before I even left.

I miss my parents. I miss my kitchen. I miss driving down familiar roads. I miss Providence Church. I miss eating dinners in the screened-in porch and playing games or talking with my family for hours afterwards. I miss the warmth and humidity of Pennsylvanian air. I even my university. I miss walking down the halls of my dorm. I miss being able to walk to the library to research and study. I miss chapels. I miss home.

The purpose of this journal entry is not to complaining about the things I miss. It is not even close to that. This entry is my way of processing what "home" means and what "family" is in my heart. I have realized that no matter where I am, no matter how far I travel, no matter what job I am working or what social events I am attending, the most crucial things to have is family, for family is home. I can't imagine moving to a new country, or even a new state, and setting up life long term without a sense of family around me. I could go anywhere and do anything so long as I have a family I can call my own. In Pennsylvania I have my real family around me. At school I have sisters that have been with me through the many twists and turns of life. At camp I had the closest thing to a heavenly family that I have ever experienced. And in the future I will have a new family that will go with me wherever I go.

In Australia I am family-less. That is why I feel so alien here. I don't have people that I can call sister or brother, mother or father. There are so many strangers surrounding me all the time and when I spend time with the people I have met and befriended, I am overwhelmed with the tension of "knowing" them yet feeling so distant because of the many cultural differences that lie between us.

I am home-less here.

Then I remember that I do have a constant home that I can take with me everywhere I go. I have a friend who never leaves. A father who is always listening. A mother who constantly cares and watches over me. A master who leads me every step of the way. A savior who has not stopped showing me love since the moment I was formed. I have my God, who is all these things and more.

I am so grateful for the way the Lord is speaking to me in the land down under. He has chosen to whisper softly. He patiently waits for me to feel his gentle tug and he is understanding when I have to ask for him to repeat what he has said. He is even quick to forgive me when I take a little too long to respond to his call. He's so gracious. He's so giving. He's so comforting. And he is my home.

I desperately long for a more material taste of home. I yearn for a family I can see and touch. I miss the presence of my earthly mother and father. But I am not completely without a home. God has been kind to me to put me through all these experiences. He knows what he is doing when he allows my heart to hurt and my spirits to be down. He knows how good it is for me to be taken away from the comforts of all that I know and be placed in such a strange and foreign land that is full of lessons that I need to learn. He has taught me so much about the importance of family and the value of home. He has cleared my vision and reminded me that I don't have to keep running all over the world to find what I am looking for. I can still run and explore, but every time I go out looking I will always come back to my center and see that home is in my soul and that my surroundings don't matter as long as I hold dearly in my heart a sense of family.

So for now I pray and patiently wait to see what family will be for me in the future. I will always run. I will always explore. But now I know that I can only do this happily if I seek out family wherever I go. Hopefully the Lord will bless me with a constant family--a husband and children--who will go on this journey of life with me. But if he doesn't, it's okay. For He is and always will be my only true home.

Week three in Australia has been wonderful. I am really beginning to settle down and feel at home in my new surroundings. School is going well, friendships are forming, the food is delicious, and the weather is fair considering it's Winter. Sydney is a really remarkable place, and anyone who has the chance to visit really should jump at the opportunity.

I am taking six classes. One is the called the View from Australia and it discusses Australian culture and History, especially since it's colonization in 1788. Then there is Indigenous History, which explores Aboriginal culture, philosophy, lifestyle, and history. I really love that class and I think my worldview will be impacted most by the films, books, and places I study there. I am also taking a small class on New Zealand culture and history, but most of the learning will come at the end of the program when I spend a week adventuring through the Auckland area. There's also my Galatians class, which is super fun and seems like a challenge spiritually as well as intellectually. I am doing an independent study on the Sabbath in the Old and New Testament and especially focusing on place and purpose God has within the covenant of rest. I am also taking psychosomatic education, which is broken into two sessions. The first is about the mind and body and is more of a science class. The second is a Pilates class. Overall, my schedule is fairly relaxed but I can already tell that I will be learning in all sorts of dimensions that I had not expected.

The family I am living with is Greek-Australian. My "grandparents" came from Greece in their twenties and had my parents here in Australia. My parents have three children who are between the ages of sixteen and twenty. They are very sweet people and I have enjoyed getting to know them and laugh with them over very enjoyable dinners. My mom cooks really amazing food and she inspires me to be healthier, although I still treat myself to frozen yogurt and tim-tams frequently :)

I live with two other girls from my program (ASC) and we are getting along very well! I love everybody at ASC and I am beginning to build some great relationships. It is slower-going with the Aussie students, but I have been able to connect with a few of them and soon we will be having game nights and doing other fun things throughout the city together. I hope to learn more about Australian spirituality and philosophy through my interactions with them. I also hope to simply enjoy great friendships :)

I have been going to Hillsong City campus consistently and just signed up for a connect group, so I should be able to get more plugged in soon. I love the services there! The preaching is really great and the music is wonderful, of course. Everyone is super friendly and welcoming and I feel right at home there. I am also doing service hours with a few other ASC students at a mission in Newtown each Thursday night. We help set up tables and prepare food, and then we attend a service for about an hour before dinner starts. Then we serve the food and socialize with the many people who come for a free meal. The first week we went I volunteered to give a testimony, which was really intimidating at first but I am glad I pushed myself to do it. Afterwards I was told that I impacted a couple of the people in the service and many others thanked me for sharing. Next week we are leading worship and I am grateful for the opportunity we have to serve in various ways each week. God is so present there! He is teaching me so much about life and relationships. I am loving every second of it!

Other than that, I am not doing too much. Lot's of sight-seeing and mini-trips to the city. We went to the Barracks near Hyde Park yesterday and learned more about the lives of the early convicts. We also visited Clark Island for a tour and learned traditional aboriginal dances. I've seen the Royal Botanical Gardens, the Opera House, the Rocks, Luna Park, Town Hall Center, the State Library, and many other fun things along the way. There is so much more to explore and I look forward to doing just that! :)

If you'd like to pray for me, you can pray that I will increase in confidence, maturity, and compassion. I seek to become God's woman and no one else's. I want to speak with grace and humility and be wise in my decisions in every area of my life. I praise God for brining me here and using me in small ways already. I pray that as times progresses He will use me in even greater ways! Pray also for my continued health and protection. God is good, so just pray to Him lot's :)

I've been in Australia for a little over a week now and it's already starting to feel like home. Of course there are unfamiliar things surrounding me all the time, but I am already so close with the people I've met here and I've mastered the bus and train routes that I have to take each day. It's still fairly daunting to realize I will be here for three and a half more months. It's even harder to accept the fact that I am in Australia right now. It's like a dream!

I've had a lot of really exciting experiences already, such as seeing the Opera House, taking the ferry to Manly Beach, visiting Hillsong city campus twice in one week, exploring the Rocks during a coffee festival, attending a BIble Conference at Macquarie Uni, enjoying a truckload of laughs over tea with some friends, taking the ferry at night and going under the Sydney Harbour bridge and seeing Luna Park all lit up, befriending three of my neighbors who are old italian ladies…the list goes on. Things aren't that different in Australia at first glance, but the more I interact with people and learn about different ideas, the more I realize there are many layers under the surface that make Australia the unique and interesting country that it is. In time I hope to discover these things and I am looking forward to being stretched and challenged in my worldview. More than that, I long to enrich my vocabulary of God and deepen my understanding of who He is and how He moves.

Hillsong was wonderful both times I have gone so far. The first was a regular evening service, and it was full of enthusiasm for Christ. The second was called The Gathering, which was a special service for young adults. There was a beautiful time of worship followed by a challenging and eye-opening session focused on the psychology of the mind and the process of understanding one's internal functions of emotion and reaction. I loved the Gathering. It was such an encouraging night and I was able to meet such sweet people from all over the globe. Plus, I am learning heaps of songs that have yet to be released, and I am loving it.

In classes we are also talking a lot about the mind and the heart and how culture is driven by what it loves and values over its belief systems. This is something that I had never thought about before, but it makes perfect sense. If you want to truly know me, you must understand what I love and long for. If that's difficult to figure out, perhaps you should look at what I once loved and what sort of events have caused my desires to be hidden, changed, or be replaced. The same goes for culture. Maybe a culture is described in a textbook by a series of facts corresponding with their government systems and national anthem, but a culture is truly known by what it values and emphasizes. When a culture is different from your own, you must ask yourself why the difference is there and what it reveals about what they love. For instance, the Australian Prime Minister is trying to find a date to set elections. He is having trouble because of the big rugby and footy games that are scheduled for the next couple of weeks. Not only does this reveal that Australia loves its sports, but that it is laid back enough to not have a set day for elections or an agreed upon system of reaching those sorts of decisions. That is just one example, and there will be many more that I will come across over the next few months.

Even the approach to the science portion of my psychosomatic education class is more holistic than what I am used to. We talked about how amazing the body is today and how we should embrace the times when our body is fighting us and wanting to get rid of all its waste because this is a sign that it's doing its job of reaching homeostasis. We also learned that reaching optimum health is based more so on the mind, because 90% of our body's reaction is due to our psychological state rather than our physical state. I loved the way the lecturer spoke about the body and the mind. She made the point that there is no such thing as a "connection" between the body and mind because it's all one--there is no separation. 

Needless to say, the complexities of the mind, body, and heart have been constant companions to me lately. There is so much to process and evaluate, and knowing the sort of mess I am underneath it all, it will be some time before I untangle my internal functions and understand what's going on within me. Hopefully the wise and creative people of Australia with teach me how in more than one way.

Well friends, that is what's going on here in Sydney. I hope my musings and reflections are interesting to you. Perhaps I will talk about what I am seeing and doing more in the future, and not just what I am thinking and processing. But knowing me, I wouldn't count on it.

Sydney, Australia is now a reality to me. I have seen it, tasted it, touched it, listened to it, traveled it, experienced it, and it will be a long time until I have thoroughly explored it. And let me tell you something, it was love at first sight.

I still get goosebumps when I think about the fact that I am standing in a country that is at the complete opposite corner from America on a map, and there are times when I have to pinch myself in order to remember that this is truly happening and it's not merely a dream! But boy oh boy does it feel like a dream. Everything is beautiful here. The ocean is the most perfect color blue, and even though it is by a huge city, it smells wonderfully and is incredibly clean. The city itself is full of charm, blending the romance of old english architecture with the innovation and creativity of modern design. The people are quirky, laid-back, and always willing to lend a hand or strike up a conversation. The city is breathtaking, yet reserved all at once. I am in love!

As far as my program (ASC) goes, I have a feeling it will be one of the best experiences I will ever have. I have absolutely no regrets about coming here, for it is strikingly obvious that for this time in my life, I am meant to be here. There will certainly be a fair share of difficulties along the way, but it is the challenges that are bound to come that will turn out to be the most beneficial. 

In fact, ASC prides itself in providing a challenging semester for students who desire to get out of their comfort zone and learn a new latitude. They have emphasized the importance of viewing this trip as a pilgrimage, as opposed to a vacation or simply an exchange. The journey is about discovering Australia at its deepest level, in order to appreciate the culture and develop a better understanding of the country's values and beliefs and the reasons behind them. Although this could be viewed as "my" best semester, ASC chooses to make it "our" best semester, because it is not about the fun things I get to see or the adventures I get to partake in. Instead it is about the process that our group will go through as we discover a new worldview and work to challenge our own values and beliefs in order to truly understand what we stand for, and why we stand for it. It is a "kenotic" experience, for it is a journey in which we pour ourselves out for the sake of being filled by what God wants to fill us with. It is only when we take off our blinders that "self" will be removed and the world will be clearly seen.

Does that sound good or what?

Australia.

A word found often upon my lips. A word so familiar, yet so unknown. A word I've been talking about, thinking about, and dreaming about for the past six months, but a word that is not yet a reality to me.

Tomorrow I will begin my journey towards making Australia a reality. I will be saying goodbye to a weeping mother, a smiling father, and all that is known to me and stepping onto an airplane that will carry me across the globe and eventually dump me in a brand new world.

Terrifying? Yes. Sensational? Absolutely.

I am out of my mind excited for this trip. I have dreamt of traveling abroad since middle school and I can't believe how blessed I am that my dream is coming true. I am so thankful for this privilege, as I know many people are unable to take part in a trip like this, and I pray that I will humbly take advantage of each and every moment.

In some ways I am running away. Running from the problems I have back here, running from the complexity of growing up, running from the undesirable drama of college, running from a multitude of memories that taunt me and remind me of the past. I must not let myself merely run away, I must push myself to run forward into the glorious and great unknown that the Lord has in store for me. I cannot run from Jesus. It is impossible to hide my face from him. No matter how far I travel Jesus will be there. He'll be sitting with me on the plane, helping me navigate through a strange new city, greeting me at my host family's house, teaching me wonderful lessons in my classes, and giving me the courage to dive deep into things I once feared.

I am going down under. I am getting swallowed up into the belly of the beast. And even when I'm being carried about in the sea, I know I'll be in good company, for Jesus will meet me there. He will call to me when things get dark. He will lead me to land when I am lost. He will provide shade when I am tired. He's got my back at all times, and if I'm lucky, he will use me to carry along his message with the boldness of a prophet.

I have nothing to be afraid of, not even the belly of the beast.

"In trouble, deep trouble, I prayed to God. He answered me. From the belly of the grave I cried, ‘Help!’ You heard my cry." -Jonah 2:2